I get through life with daydreams. It eliminates that empty feeling I seem to always have, at least for a little bit. I use it to pass the time, to fill the void of what I don’t have, or just to try to fall asleep. I put myself at the place in life where I want to be, and sometimes a place I will never be, instead of where I am.
I know that my excessive daydreaming is probably hurting me more than it is helping me, but it’s just so tempting, you know? To escape real life and live and actively control your fake life? Soooo much better. Sometimes it gives me hope for what life can be, sometimes it makes me sad that I know life will never be that way.
I dream that I tour with bands as their photographer, I dream that I am a great and prolific writer, I dream that I have a successful fashion label, I dream that I meet amazing people along the way that become like family, and so, so much more.
I’ve always had my head in the clouds. I remember daydreaming as a kid, thinking about what I wanted high school to be like (it was definitely NOT what I wanted it to be), what I wanted college and even after to be like. I was, and am, always looking ahead. I’m never really present, I’m always thinking about what comes next, even if “next” means retirement. I think my daydreaming is almost a way of soul searching what I really want in life. I don’t know what I’m looking for specifically, I just know something is missing, and that is why I daydream.
I’ve had a progression of different jobs in these dreams, a progression of relationships and locations. The one thing that remains constant, though, is that I am truly happy and my mental health is in check. I’m not in over my head, or depressed in any way, or ultra stressed. I’m carefree, confident, and happy in all aspects, which has always been my ultimate goal, I guess.
I know it’s not likely that I’ll be a famous photographer or writer, I know it’s not likely that I’ll style celebrities, or have a perfect fairytale love story. But I dream about it anyway. I guess it’s all just wishful thinking, but it makes life worth living, in the sense that life can be that great if everything falls into place just right. Even the mundane things I dream about, such as having a short conversation with a certain person, give me hope. Although it is usually followed by disappointment, it just means to me that I have to pick myself up and try again, and try again harder. Even if I never get there, I will always know I gave it my best effort.
I wish daydreaming had some power to put my desires into the universe and make them reality, but for now I’m just a broke college girl who has no clue what’s actually going to happen next.